Autism and screaming – two words that many parents of autistic children are well aware off.
Let me start with a story.
One day, a simple accident triggered one of the most challenging public meltdowns we’ve ever faced. My son with autism, who has a particular fascination with the shape of Oreo cookies, had just bought a new pack. Unfortunately, the pack fell from his hand and the Oreo’s within and broke, setting off an uncontrollable reaction. Distraught, he lay down in the middle of the road, blocking traffic and becoming inconsolable.
As cars honked and people stared, I struggled to manage the situation, feeling every bit as helpless as he did. Amid his crying, he hit and slapped me, even scratching my skin and pulling my hair in his distress. With all my strength, I managed to move him to the side of the road. There, on the pavement, I just held him tightly, trying to provide comfort and protect us both from further harm.
This incident painfully highlighted the challenges we face during unexpected public meltdowns. It also reminded me of the critical need for patience and understanding from the community during such vulnerable moments.
Autism and Screaming
Autism and screaming go hand-in-hand unfortunately. However, the yelling is often misunderstood by those unfamiliar with the challenges of the spectrum.
In this blog, I will try to explore with you that what drives autistic meltdowns. What are the strategies that can help manage them, all through the lens of our personal experiences and what has worked for us.
Coping with Public Autistic Meltdowns
So, the meltdown I mentioned earlier occurred in public, which, as many parents in similar situations can attest, often becomes a spectacle for onlookers. During such moments, the stares and whispers can cut deeper than the meltdown itself.
“Look at that child, I never let my kids do this,” a bystander remarked, a comment not only harsh but steeped in judgment. Such experiences are painful reminders of the stigma that still surrounds autism.
When this incident occurred, I initially responded to onlookers by asking, does your child have autism? Since this is my daily reality, and I wouldn’t change having my special son for anything.
However, I’ve since changed my approach. I used to feel angry when people questioned me about my son, but now, I simply tune them out. Ignoring the stares and comments, as if I don’t hear them at all, has proven to be a more effective strategy for me.
For those who face similar situations, here are a few strategies that have helped me manage better.
- Preparation: I carry a small toolkit of favorite items that can help soothe my son, like a backup Lego piece or a sensory toy.
- Explanation Cards: Handing out small cards that explain what autism is to bystanders can be an effective way to address stares and comments without direct confrontation.
- Seeking Supportive Spaces: We try to frequent places that are known to be understanding and accommodating of children with special needs.
Understanding Autistic Meltdowns with Strategies for Parents
Stay calm during the autism yelling and screaming. Autistic meltdowns are challenging for everyone involved. Remaining calm is the most effective response I’ve learned through experience. In the past, my visible frustration and attempts to over-communicate during these intense moments only heightened his distress.
Simplify Communication
React gently and use fewer words when they’re upset, as they may struggle to process complex sentences during heightened emotional states. Simple, direct communication is more effective during moments of distress.
Now, I maintain a composed demeanor, simply reassuring my son with a gentle “It’s okay,” without showing any overt reaction.
Introduce Comfort Items
Consider using a weighted blanket or a stretchy blanket that they can crawl inside. You’ll find many products like these on platforms like Amazon. These can provide comfort and a sense of security.
Be Patient and Supportive
Allow your son or daughter to come to you when they’re ready. In the meantime, ensure they know you’re there for them by expressing your love, offering them a drink in their sippy cup, and playing calming music. I used to always have my son’s Spotfiy list handy and YouTube also helped me in many an occasion.
Respect Personal Space
Evaluate whether your child prefers you to be close or needs some distance during these intense moments. Children’s needs vary, so tuning into your child’s specific preferences is crucial.
I’ve also adjusted how I respond physically. I would hug him during his meltdowns, but I noticed this sometimes made him cry even more. Now, I give him space to express his emotions, understanding that crying can be a cathartic release for him.
Typically, once he’s released his emotions, he approaches me for a hug, and we find our way back to calm together.
This approach of controlling my reactions and giving him the space he needs has significantly smoothed our path through these challenging moments.
Document Each Episode
Consistently record details about each meltdown, noting what occurred, how your child felt, and any behaviors observed before and after the episode. This practice can help you identify clear triggers and patterns over time.
Encourage Self-Regulation
I tell my son that it’s alright to have these feelings, but once he’s ready, I am here to give him a hug. This method has taken months to refine, but it has significantly reduced the duration of his meltdowns and prevented aggressive behaviors, such as hitting. As long as he is safe, I let him work through his emotions independently.
Analyze the Aftermath
If your child becomes extremely calm following a meltdown, it may indicate unmet sensory needs. Conversely, if he appears drained, the meltdown likely had an emotional basis. Understanding these responses can guide how you respond to future incidents.
Be Ready to Adapt
Remember, every child is different, and what works for one may not work for another. However, giving your child space and minimizing physical and verbal interaction during a meltdown can dramatically reduce its length. It’s worth experimenting to see if this approach can also work for your family.
Organizing Your Home into Zones
Create Specific Areas
Set up your house with distinct zones to cater to different needs. An active zone for play, a calm zone for relaxation, and a self-soothing zone for emotional regulation. These designated areas can help them understand where to go depending on their emotional state.
Designate a special area just for them, equipped with soft balls, fidget toys, and quiet activities where they can retreat when they feel the need.
Use Zones as Safe Havens
Encourage your child to use these zones as a go-to place to express and manage their feelings safely and independently. They serve as physical cues that can help them transition from one emotional state to another more smoothly.
Pre-Visit Preparations
Show them photos of places you plan to visit both before and after outings to provide a sense of predictability and structure, helping to reduce feelings of being overwhelmed. For me, repeating our schedule over and over again has worked wonders. My son is prepared for what’s to come by the time we go anywhere.
Health Checks and Environmental Adjustments
Always rule out physical discomforts, such as constipation, toothaches, or earaches, which might be causing distress. Adjust environmental factors like lighting, temperature, or noise levels to accommodate his sensitivities.
You autistic child (like mine) probably is not the best communicator. So there’s a good chance that some physical distress or environmental factor is the trigger for the screaming.
I know that sounds scary especially if you’re dealing with a very young child. But take it from me, it gets better. In time, you will innately know what your child is reacting to and why. The hardships of dealing with a public meltdown will not disappear, but they certainly become easier.
Closing Thoughts
Managing autism and screaming is tough, but remember, you are doing your best. Each step you take is a learning experience, building your resilience and understanding of your child’s needs.
Recognize that managing sensory and emotional needs is often a process of trial and error. What works for one meltdown may not work for another, as each person’s sensory needs and triggers differ.
Keep exploring what works best for your child. Sending hugs your way! Managing autistic meltdowns is undoubtedly exhausting, but you’re not alone in this challenge. Your child can live a normal life with your help.